Yesterday, I rushed back to JB (my hometown in Malaysia) after cleaning up the house to visit Grandpa and Grandma. Few days back, Grandpa slipped off a chair while reading newspapers and seem to be pretty disoriented. It was after some painful discussions, his children - which are Dad and siblings - decided to send him to the nearby nursing home for professional care.
As painful was the decision, my grandparents seemed to rekindle their love, held hands and cried together as Grandma has always been disagreeing with Grandpa.
As I am writing this, I couldn't help but let tears flow down my cheek. Their love for each other would be indescribable. They were married for more than 60 years and together, they have raised 5 children and 8 grandchildren.
I am the only granddaughter they both raised since Day 1 I came to this world and I have to admit, I really enjoy the childhood they provided me.
I was filled with mixed feelings when I was on the cab to visit Grandpa. I wonder would he talk to me, would he be happy to see me, would he eat or would he be sleeping. As I walk into the vicinity of the nursing home, I waved at Grandpa. He nodded when he saw me and called me as my sister. I corrected him, telling him I'm "Ah Yi", the nick he and Grandma had for me. Grandpa didn't talk, nor wanting to make eye contact with us. He just passively eat the cake and banana my aunts fed him and look out of the nursing home. Nobody but himself could feel the anguish and sadness to be living at a home. The only thing we could do as a family is to pray for him, pray that God Almighty would shed some light, that Grandpa would understand it's only a temporal stay where he could regain strength and come back home to Grandma, to us.
This episode has really struck me. Firstly, I'll make sure I get myself checked into a nursing home or retirement village when I turn 60 or 65. I wouldn't want my children to worry about my late years. Secondly, I not only come to terms with my decision to come back for good, I have also see the plan God had for me for the very hard decision I made 18 months back.
It hasn't been easy for me to give up on love to come back for family. I don't think any of my peers would do the same, but I did it anyhow. I came back to my family, I found a job, I settled down in Singapore, I'm near home and could just come back every weekend. If I am still in Australia today, I think I would be very guilty and shattered for what happened. I might not even write this post if I am in Australia.
There is no coveting or much reminiscent for the love I have given up on in Perth because I know the love I came back for good for - eternal love - is the kind of love no one else would give me, other than my Daddy in Heaven.
Over the last 14 months I'm back, I have experienced the love of kinship more than I ever yearned for. For this love is so strong and could withhold any shakes. All in all, the only revelation and expectation I have for myself is The One in my life would be someone whom I could call a family, someone who not only can give me love out of romance but also love out of kinship. That guy would be my forever. Till then, I'm blinded with my family, work, church and dancing. Waiting patiently for God to let this future family member to walk into my life to unfold my blinds.
Published with Blogger-droid v2.0.4
No comments:
Post a Comment